Cuffs and Cocaine
by GlasgowGirl92
Summary: Erin Lindsey was taken in by a cop when she was 15 after she was busted for being in possession of drugs, little does she know someone made that call. In 2018, she runs into a familiar face which leaves her with a choice - follow the law, prove her loyalty to the man who saved her life, or gamble it all away on a memory. Eventual Linstead AU.
1. Forget me Nots

A/N: Okay, so, Playlist and Lullaby are still in the works, but this was something that I've been thinking about for a while and the wonderful HalsteadPD got me kinda hyped to write it. This will be a 10 part story and it is entirely AU. We'll be dealing with violence and crime and some other adult themes such as a few kind of abuse - Sexual, physical and drug abuse. If that kind of thing isn't your cup of tea, please turn back now. This also has strong connotations of Linstead and certainly looks like its headed that way. So...if that isn't something you're interested in... please don't bash the story, just don't read it.

This AU is set in current CPD - Al is still there and so is Lindsey. The main difference being Jay was never a cop.

Also: some name pronunciations that might be helpful to you.

Caoimhe - Kee-Va  
Saoirse - Seer-sha  
Darragh - Dah-Rah  
Aideen - Ay - Deen. (Not a typo!)

Please, please read and review, that makes me write, publish and upload much, much faster :D! Reviews are also helpful if you tell me your favourite part or what you liked specifically about the story, or what you think is going to happen next!

Please Enjoy!

xo

* * *

" _Hey, hey, come on." His voice is like honey, soft and sweet and she's trying to stay conscious, but its hard when she's on as bad a trip as this. He has her in an old tub of ice cold water and he's keeping her cool. She's not overdosing, she knows this, and he knows this, but he's trying to work the drugs out of her system faster because whatever it was she shot up, it wasn't what she was used to._

" _hey." His voice is harsher, and she couldn't stop her eyes from sliding closed only to widen her eyes again when she got her face of cold water, trying to throw him a glare, but the concern shining in his large blue eyes that seem too big for his face._

" _Sorry." She mumbles, trying hard to keep her eyes open, to keep that look from his face. He has been her constant for the past year now, she'd come to rely on him to keep her sane and be her look out when the going got rough._

" _Don't be sorry, be awake." The smirk on his face had her reaching out as best she could to splash him and she revelled in the burst of laughter he let out, smiling as she focused on the way his eyes shone in the poor lighting of the bathroom and the way his hands felt smoothing her hair from her face._

"Yo! It's flower day again." Atwater called as he carried a gorgeous arrangement of autumnal flowers to Erin's desk, causing her to snap out of her little daze, her pencil clattering to the desk to a chorus of sniggers and laughter from the rest of her team. Erin waited as patiently as she could, tapping her foot beneath her desk. She was beginning to wonder if someone had slowed down time or if Kevin was deliberately messing with her and walking incredibly slowly, because he was taking the longest time to get from the top of the stairs to her desk. The second he placed the flowers on her desk with a flourish, she waved him off, muttered a thank you and stood to examine it, grinning widely when she spotted them nestled in with the oranges and reds of the flowers.

Her little stem of forget-me-nots.

The pale blue flower stood out in stark contrast to the darker colours associated with fall and Erin reached in to touch the soft petals. She didn't know for sure who was sending them, there was never a card or a specific florist to track them down to and the arrangement changed every year, but there was always a little stem of pale blue forget-me-nots in there somewhere. Had been for the past 17 years. Flower day had become somewhat of a spectacle in Intelligence when Hank had formed the Unit, everyone trying to spot who it was that was delivering them, knowing how desperately Erin had wanted to track down the sender. She'd gotten close one year, after they'd arrived at her desk in the old gang Unit and Alvin had set up a lipstick cam the night before. They'd gotten a lead, but it petered out when the kid refused to talk because delivering those flowers was the easiest $100 he'd ever made.

"Same person?" Antonio asked, peeling an orange as he stood beside her desk, looking down at the blooms on her desk, their scent filtering its way through the bullpen. He discarded the peel into her little trash can earning him a look before she turned back to the flowers, one again engaging in a futile search for clues to finding the person responsible.

"I think so." Erin shrugged, inhaling the scent of the flowers before pushing them to the corner of her desk, arranging them just so, making sure she and the others could still see the board, but also making sure that everyone could see the flowers, too.

"Someone wanna fill me in?" Hailey asked, moving from the desk across from Antonio's -beside Ruzek's – to admire the flowers. She'd only recently joined the unit and working together on a case and making quite the impression on the team causing Voight to offer her the empty chair they'd been trying to fill permanently for as long as Erin could remember. Erin raised an eyebrow and smirked as she settled into her seat again, reaching for the flowers and stroking their soft petals.

"Basically," Ruzek announced as he too came over to check out the floral arrival, leaning in and smirking at the little Forget-Me-Nots, winking at Erin who rolled her eyes at him and motioned for him to continue. "Our little bundle of fun here gets a delivery of flowers, with forget me nots, every single year on November 18th." He took a sip of his coffee and smirked at Erin, "Started about 17 years ago. Its like clockwork." Adam pointed at the calendar that was on his desk and grinned knowingly.

"Seriously?" Hailey raised a brow, a sceptical look colouring her features as she approached to take a better look at the flowers, leaning in to catch their scent and smiling at Erin. "And you have no idea who sends you them?"

"Yeah, seriously." Erin nodded, a laugh falling from her lips, as she turned to gaze at the flowers again. "I have absolutely no idea who they're from."

"Have you tried finger printing them?" Hailey asked, tucking her hands into her pockets, spinning around to follow the sound of Al's voice filling the room.

"Yup, we got nothing." He'd stated, while he sat at his desk eating a pastry at his desk and sipping coffee; the look of alarm on some of the other's was enough to know that _no one_ had seen or heard the older man enter. Ruzek's muttered, _"We talked about this. Gonna get him some bells,"_ was covered by Alvin clearing his throat.

"We set up cameras, we finger printed, we chased leads, we _followed_ people." He sighed and shrugged, an impressed smirk on his face as he took another piece of pastry. "Still nothing."

Hailey had just begun to ask a question when Voight appeared at the top of the stairs causing everyone to disperse from Erin's desk and begin to look busy elsewhere, doing something else entirely.

"Call for you, Sarge." Burgess held the phone out for him and he shook his head, bustling through the crowd and marching through the bullpen to get to his office, and Kim looked at Erin who nodded in the affirmative -the girl should put the call through.

Erin sat down at her desk, admiring her flowers and letting her mind wander a little; the pale blue flower making sure she didn't forget those eyes or the way he made her feel safe. Surreptitiously, she slipped her hand into her top drawer to feel around for the little box she usually kept hidden at the back. When her fingers made contact with the smooth and slightly worn fabric, she grinned and dragged it to the front, closing her hand around it and keeping it tightly in her palm as she withdrew her hand from the drawer and rested it on her lap.

"We caught a case," Voight's voice carried from his office, moments before he appeared in the doorway, "Patrol just fished a body out of the river, I said we'd take it."

"Any particular reason why?" Hailey piped up and 6 sets of eyes landed on her causing her to square her shoulders and wait patiently for an answer.

"Because, body was identified as Vincent Abernathy." Voight stated, glaring at her from his doorway, his hands in his pockets. "And because I said so, that's why."

Erin had smirked at his last statement, sounding more like a father than a boss and she shoved the small box into her drawer again, grabbing for her badge and gun to get herself ready to get moving.

" _The_ Vincent Abernathy?" Ruzek asked, immediately reaching for his coat, a strange kind of excitement on his face as he all but shoved his gun into his pants and tripped over his feet to get to the top of the steps, being met with a snigger and a steadying hand from Kevin. "Oh, man."

"Who's Vincent Abernathy?" Kim asked, as she got her stuff together, almost distracted by the way Adam was behaving, the excited toddler phase of his still hadn't worn off, apparently.

"Crime boss, controls 90% of Chicago's drug traffic, mostly Cocaine and Heroin." Olinksy offered, moving from his desk towards the door, "Has controlled most of it for the past 30 years. Never did like the man."

"So, he has a gang?" Hailey asked, joining the team as they began to move downstairs, frowning when Ruzek let out a loud laugh and muttered "gang" as he shook his head.

"More like an Organization." Antonio frowned at Ruzek and held the gate open for the others, "he has a really tight nit group. It has different levels and it controls a lot of product moving in and out of the city in different ways, it's not just a street gang, its organized crime and really, if he wasn't moving drugs and running guns and girls? I'd be impressed."

"C'mon, bro, I know what he does is illegal, but _damn_ I'm impressed at how he does it." Kevin smirked, causing Antonio to laugh and shove his shoulder. "Moving that much and _never_ getting caught? Keeping those operations separate? Dude and his family have been running Chicago since the turn of the century. Never makes any kind of mistake to make it stick. Its damn impressive."

"They fished him out of the river, someone made something stick." Ruzek patted Kevin on the shoulder, throwing a playful glare at Antonio for hitting his friend.

"So, someone had enough of him then?" Hailey asked, zipping up her coat.

"Not likely, can't get a face to face with the man without an appointment and even then, you can't get near him alone." Sargent Platt helpfully supplied from behind the desk, giving Hailey a grin and taking a drink of her coffee.

"So a powerplay?"

"How about we just get to the scene and then we can work out what the hell happened, or do we pay you to just stand around guessing?" Voight barked from the top of the stairs causing the team to scarper like naughty school children, out into the lot towards their cars.

Platt looked down at the paperwork on the table and waited for Voight to stalk passed, muttering under his breath before he put her hand up. "Flowers were delivered by a woman this time, red head, green eyes, about five four. She looks familiar, seemed to get a kick out of being in the precinct, kept looking around."

"Thank you." Erin nodded, wincing when Voight yelled her name, earning an apologetic grimace from Platt as she headed out, keeping her head down until the last minute when she paused, her hand on the door as she frowned and looked around, the feeling of eyes on her raising the hairs on the back of her neck.

" _Erin._ " Voight sounded exasperated and Erin sighed, getting into the car, shaking her head. "If you don't wanna be here—"

"—Just drive." She snapped, fastening her seatbelt and holding on when Voight booked it out of the lot, the screech of tires echoing down the street.

* * *

"You know, this is borderline stalking." Caoimhe smirked when Jay got back into the car, her feet propped up on the dashboard, a law textbook nestled on her lap. "You could get arrested."

Jay let out a loud laugh as he signalled and pulled the GMC Sierra into traffic, "Sure, Keev, that's the thing I'm gonna get arrested for." He laughed, his phone ringing, cutting through the laughter as he giggled when she punched his arm. "Yo, Jackson, what's up?"

Caoimhe watched the change in his facial expression, felt the car lurch forward as he sped up, his face now serious; gone was the playful expression and the carefree smile he wore, replaced by the serious face he usually reserved for business or when her father asked him to do… _stuff._

"Jay?" She asked, bringing her feet from the dash and turning in her seat to face him, closing the book on her lap and raising an eyebrow. When he didn't answer she felt her stomach turn, the angry set of his jaw told her something was very wrong and the way they were speeding through traffic towards her sister Saoirse's apartment had her feeling nauseous. "Jay?" Her voice was softer this time, reaching a trembling hand to place on his arm.

"Caoimhe." He spoke, voice rough and she swallowed. He'd only ever used that tone of voice directed in her direction once before and she shook her head, hand tightening on his arm. Jay let go of the steering wheel and put his hand on hers, taking her smaller hand into his larger one and squeezing.

"who?" her voice trembled, and she hated it, she was 17 now and really shouldn't be crumpling into a heap in the passenger seat of his car. Her father would expect more of her.

"Keev," His voice sounded broken, and she noted the look in his eye. Her siblings were her first thought. He was so close to everyone, Caoimhe was 10 before she found out that Jay wasn't actually a blood relative, he'd been in the family longer than she had and it always made her smile.

"Who?" She asked again, gripping his fingers tighter, forcing him to slow the car to a stop at the lights and not take the side street as he clearly originally planned. Caoimhe wanted to know before they got to his sister's apartment, she didn't want to be walking into the room like that, knowing that one of her siblings was gone. "Is it Saoirse? Is that why we're going to hers?"

Jay let go of her hand and grabbed the wheel as the light turned, shaking his head in the negative. "No, kid." He sighed and pulled the car over when they got through the lights, pulling in against the curb and turning to face her. "We're going to Seer's because the apartment is in my name and no-one can find it." Jay took her face in his palm, stomach turning at how young she looked in that moment and how his next sentence was about to shatter her entire world.

He'd loved this kid since she was born and he got to hold her, he didn't realize hearts could feel so much love for something so small, but she was so tiny and perfect, and she'd given him a whole new outlook on life and she'd been the reason he decided to stay with the family. Her huge eyes filled with tears and her bottom lip trembled, so Jay pulled her to him, pushing his seat back and pulling her into his lap.

"Its your dad, Keev." He swallowed the lump in his throat, almost feeling like it had been his own dad he'd just lost. "They found him this morning." He barely managed to get the words out before she began to sob against his chest and he continued to hold her, reaching for his phone and firing a quick text to Declan to let him know they were a few blocks away but running late.

"How?" She eventually mumbled against his chest and Jay sighed. "How did they get to him, Jay? Even _we_ can't get to him without someone knowing or being there and we're his kids." Her voice was stronger, and she swallowed hard, patting him on the shoulder.

"We don't know," he shook his head, wiping at her tears. "but you can bet your ass we're gonna find out." Jay told her determinedly, pushing his own pain to one side now having seen hers, it was almost as though he'd been given a whole new set of reasons to find the person responsible.

Caoimhe nodded and smiled when he pressed a kiss to her forehead and pushed her hair out of her face. She pushed off his lap and back into her seat, curling up small. "We need to get to your place. I'm assuming the others are waiting." She sniffed, and Jay nodded.

"Fagan is meeting his contact from Homicide to see what they know about the case, but Aideen, Dec and Darragh are all there." Jay blinked when she let out a humourless laugh, raising an eyebrow as he pulled them back into the traffic and moved down the block to the underground parking.

"I have a brother called Fagan." She giggled, "out of all the names my dad picked Fagan and now he's running the cash side of the business, I can't be the only one who finds that funny." She grinned, tears still falling down her face.

Jay offered a smirk and gave her a tap on the knee. He wasn't sure how his day had turned so far around. Getting to lay eyes on Erin Lindsey every year was the one thing that he'd held onto from his childhood, the one thing he had done since clockwork every single year since that first one. Making sure she was okay was good enough for him.

He didn't remember making his way out of the car or to the apartment and that bothered him, knowing his guard was down and Caoimhe was with him, something that _never_ happened. Pushing his key into the lock, he twisted it and opened it, allowing the tiny red head beside him to go flying into the room, gripping hold of Darragh and crying into her brother's chest.

Jay closed and locked the door behind him, running a hand down his face and making his way over to Saoirse, opening his arms for her to tuck herself into his side, stroking her hair when she rested her head on his shoulder and pressing a kiss to her hair, hold tightening when she began to sob. His eyes surveyed the scene before him, all of the siblings but one gathered in his living room, two of them crying, two of them comforting, Declan nursing a drink in his hand as he sprawled on Jay's favourite chair and Aideen, standing looking over the city. Being the oldest, Aideen was now the next in line to run this city, and it had been Vinnie's wish that the line of succession was followed within hours of his demise.

"Ayd," Jay spoke and there was a pause before a set of tear-filled eyes, a similar shade to his own, landed on him and he offered a small smile. "Whatever you need. We're here for you." The terse nod that met his offer before Aideen turned away, had him sighing, his eyes meeting Darragh's, then Declan's. No words were needed between the brothers; it was obvious. The first thing on the Abernathy's agenda was simple – avenge Vincent's death.


	2. A Different World

A/N: Thank you to those who reviewed the first chapter - the second is here! It's slightly different and entirely from Jay's point of view just because to include Erin's would make the chapter twice as long and after seeking advice, it seemed to make sense to cut it here. So! keep the reviews coming! I'll upload when I get them :) 

I've created a playlist on Spotify, so those who want it, leave it in the reviews or PM Me and I'll link you.

Thanks again!

xo

* * *

Chapter 2a: A Different World

Jay watched from his favourite chair, glass of whiskey in hand, as Saoirse stroked Caoimhe's hair, humming an old Irish tune that he remembered her mother Grace singing as she rocked Caoimhe to sleep when she was a baby. If Jay hadn't been quite as tone deaf, he would have picked it up. He'd tried singing it once when Caoimhe was around 7 and had a stomach bug; she'd promised him she'd sleep if he didn't sing again.

Fagan had come back a couple of hours after them, looking angry and dishevelled and really, Jay wasn't sure he'd look any better. He'd listened intently after sending Caoimhe into her room to FaceTime with some friends, and the longer he'd listened, the angrier he had gotten as Fagan went through the details of the case that he'd manged to get from his source. Aideen had looked ready to be sick when Fagan had stated that Vinnie had been shot twice in the head, a clearly professional hit. Saoirse had taken Jay's hand and leaned her head against his shoulder, causing him to tighten his grip on her hand.

The rest of the morning had passed in a flurry of activity and phone calls, Darragh and Declan both leaving to meet with those they worked with – Darragh to secure the finances and Declan to ensure the shipments were on the way and that distribution was still moving despite news of Vinnie's death slowly filtering through the organization. Fagan had disappeared and returned with food, Saoirse had busied herself closing the deal on a couple of properties over the phone and making sure the food was served. Aideen had disappeared into the office at around 10am and hadn't surfaced. Caoimhe for the most part had stayed in her room, only coming out to get food or when she needed reassurance that her siblings were still around.

Jay's head was spinning. Vinnie never usually went anywhere without him; especially anywhere out of the fortress that was his sprawling estate on the gold coast. He had ha handful of other security, but Jay was his number one when it came to leaving the property and making any kind of business deals. Jay Halstead was the only person on the planet that could meet with Vinnie Abernathy unannounced and at a moment's notice. Last night, however, Vinnie had given Jay the night off and wad of cash and told him to take his girls out for the night and show them a good time. So he had. He'd taken Saoirse, Aideen and Caoimhe out for food and to the theatre, all the while constantly checking his phone and checking in with the security team at the Estate. He hadn't heard anything back in the negative, but something had been playing on his mind. So when the show finished, and the ladies had finished with their ice cream stop, he'd dropped them off, changed clothes and cars and headed out to the Estate. Vinnie had gone to bed and told his security not to disturb him, so when Jay stopped by, they'd relayed the message and he'd shrugged it off.

Now he was wishing he hadn't. Jay had resorted to doing what he always did when he was stressed and had taken his collection of favourite handguns out of the safe, laying them on the table and slowly working at taking them apart to clean them and put them back together. His favourite had been the 9mm. It was the same type of gun the police used and it always caused them a world of problems when it came to identifying the shooter; that was if they ever found the body.

He was so engrossed in cleaning the weapon that he jumped slightly when Saoirse had approached him and dropped a kiss on the back of his head, her arms wrapping around his shoulders after she carefully put two plates of food on the table. He brought a hand up to rest on her arm and turned to press a kiss to her cheek.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly, and he nodded before shrugging at her raised eyebrow.

"I'll be better when we find the dick who shot him." He stated, voice low as he glared at the weapons on the table as though they were to blame for the death.

"I'll feel safer when you do, then I'll know Aideen is safe, too. Jay if this is some kind of reach for power…" Saoirse shuddered, and Jay shook his head.

"Hey, hey, no listen to me." He turned in his chair and caught her eye, "Aideen is going to be fine. We're going to grab this prick and I'm going to show him how it feels, plain and simple." The anger was rising, and he took a deep breath, smiling some when she rested her hand on his chest, stroking her thumbs over the material of his dress shirt, his jacket long since discarded.

"I believe you." Saoirse told him, the fear still shining in her dark blue eyes and he gave her a quick kiss on the forehead, distracted by movement at the corner of his eye and turning his head to see Caoimhe coming out of her room. "I got it." Saoirse told him, and Jay nodded. "If you could take that to Aideen—"

"—still in the office, huh?"

"It is bullet proof glass; wouldn't you be in there if you were the next in line to run a company?" Saoirse was only half joking and Jay knew it.

"On it." Jay gave her a lopsided smile and watched as she made her way to Caoimhe who was looking lost, standing in the middle of the large living-room with her arms wrapped around herself, on the verge of tears once again. He knew the kid would take it hard, but this seemed to be really hitting her a lot harder than anyone had anticipated.

As soon as Saoirse had reached Caoimhe, Jay was up, plate in hand as he made his way through to the office. Which was really a panic room more than anything, the windows were a two-way mirror and the door locked down when the button was pressed. It was secure entry, too. Only three people could get into the room on their own; Vinnie, himself and Aideen. Which is why it was the safest room in the whole house. Pausing outside, Jay punched in the code and put his hand on the scanner, waiting for the click of the lock before pushing the door open and knocking once, entering and almost standing to attention, just like he had always done for Vinnie.

"You're already in, why do you knock?" The voice came from the shadows and Jay continued to walk into the room and over to the little library area of the office, putting the plate down and the cutlery beside it.

"Force of habit. Always knock. Just because I can get in, doesn't mean I should." He shrugged and waited beside the seat before Aideen let out a huff and gestured for him to sit.

"Look, if I'm taking over we need to stop with this solider thing. It's too weird."

Jay chuckled and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and tilting his head. "So, how do you want this to work. I can give you a list of guys who know this job and who I trust with my life. Might make it easier if it's not me."

"No. It _has_ to be you. I wouldn't feel too safe if it was anyone else. Besides, everyone expected you to take over, so it might work to my advantage of bringing you along." Aideen shrugged and another smirk tugged at Jay's lips.

"Planning on making many business deals in person? That's Declan's job and you know it. Unless we're having a reshuffle, because if we are, I totally want to be put in charge of the sex club." His smirk was there, and he was trying to lighten the mood, which garnered a smirk from Aideen.

"Well, the reshuffle is for the first time in Abernathy history, there's a woman in charge. I know Saoirse is happy enough being the Estate Agent and moving money that way. I'm assuming Fagan and Declan are good with the sourcing and distribution." Aideen paused and tilted her head before shaking it. "No, Fagan is going to have to manage most of it on his own, isn't he?"

"Well I'm assuming Declan is going to take your spot as Family Lawyer, unless there's someone else we can bring in?" Jay offered, "Because Declan has the relationship with the internationals and it would be silly to drop the ball on that."

Aideen nodded in agreement; "Keeping Declan as sourcing works, I'll keep a turn in with the legal side, but we don't really need us both. Darragh is the resident geek, so he'll keep number crunching and it's only about 8 years before Caoimhe comes through for us with Law, so she'll be able to shoulder that."

Jay winced at the thought of brining Caoimhe into the family business. She knew exactly what their family profited on, but she wasn't made privy to any kind of information about their operations; the day to day running of it and she always assumed that her siblings were above board and her dad was out of the game.

"Look, I know you want Keev to have a clean break from this; but we're here family, this is what she was supposed to do, Jay." Aideen told him, giving a small shrug. "I don't want her getting tied up in this, but she was born into this life. You chose it."

Jay nodded, he still had time to get her out of it. He'd kept her out of it this long; another few years and an exit strategy was something that he needed to figure out real quick. "I know, believe me, I know."

"I'll throw the sex and strip clubs in with the two clubs you already manage, freeing Fagan up a little, but you're going to have to allow his girls to continue to work there, whether you're okay with that, or not." Her tone was one that let him know there was no compromise and he nodded once. "Plus, I'm still keeping you around as personal security." She shrugged, and Jay grinned. Security was something he could do quite well, something he enjoyed. Kept him busy, kept his loose, kept him fresh. The thrill of the chase, the ability to be able to throw his weight around was something that always got his blood pumping. Not that he'd had to do too much of it lately, Vinnie having become less and less available, thus pulling Jay out of the game and leaving it to his brothers to kick ass and take names.

"Sounds good." He nodded, noticing how tired Aideen looked in that moment, her red hair scrapped back into a messy bun and her hazel eyes looking heavy. She'd worked hard all morning, he could see that with a brief look around the room. "Need some company?"

Aideen hesitated before nodding in the affirmative, handing Jay a stack of paperwork and smiling at him when he automatically took them and picked up the pen. Changing assets over into their names from Vinnie's was going to take forever, considering just how private he was about everything – his name wasn't listed on his children's birth certificates and no-one really knew who his children were, or if he even had any. Everyone all had a different last name, too, as was the Abernathy way. Aideen would soon change her last name from O'Driscol to Abernathy for the company to work on.

The main kick Jay got was the amount of people who thought Darragh and Fagan were the same person, because of just how identical they looked. Fagan had a scar just on his jawline from where Jay had punched him when they were younger, the punch that had cemented Jay in with the family. You didn't know it was there unless you looked, which no one ever bothered to do.

* * *

Jay didn't realize what time it was when there was a loud rap at the door, causing Jay to spring to his feet, pulling his gun that was tucked in the waistband of his dress suit pants and slowly making his way to the door, Aideen immediately moving for cover behind the desk.

"It's only me, open up." Fagan's voice on the other side had Jay muttering curses and tucking his gun away as he yanked open the door and raised an eyebrow.

"Police were up at Dad's estate today; asking questions." Fagan began as he pushed past Jay, talking directly to Aideen. "Scott passed on the number to Dad's lawyers. You and Declan have an interview tomorrow. I think you should leave him at home." He jerked his thumb over his shoulder to where Jay was standing; "We don't want him being identified as the dude who lurks outside the precinct every November.

"First of all," Jay moved and stood in front of Fagan, a good six inches taller than the other man, "I'm smart enough not to get caught by the police." Jay told him, staring him down, "And secondly, in case you haven't noticed, my role is to drive the head of the organization and make sure they're safe when they're doing meets."

"Yeah, you did a stand-up job of that with Dad, huh?" Fagan smirked and Jay let out a humourless chuckle.

"Wipe that smirk off your damn face before I do it for you."

"Hey, _enough._ " Aideen commanded, walking over to the men and putting herself between them. "You," she shoved at Fagan's chest, "get your ass to the warehouse and tell them to make sure they've done a deep clean, I can handle the meeting with or without a driver. And _you,"_ She turned to Jay, shoving his chest, "Go make sure Keev and Saoirse are okay, and that Declan hasn't polished off the damn bottle of whiskey. Send him in here, I need him."

Jay glared at Fagan over Aideen's head and clenched his Jaw. "Now." She snapped, and Jay nodded once, a terse _yes, ma'am_ falling from his lips before he stepped back and began to walk back through his apartment, ignoring the shove on his shoulder as Fagan stalked passed him muttering about blood. Had he not spotted Caoimhe with her head on Saoirse's lap, he would have said something to the other man, but he supressed the rage building inside of him and moved over to the sofa, crouching down beside the sleeping girl.

"How long as she been out?" He asked, tucking a stray strand of hair away from her face.

"About an hour. I didn't mind when she was younger, but my foot is dead, and I can't lift her anymore." Saoirse smiled sadly down at him and Jay took his cue, easing the 17-year-old into his arms and picking her up, slowly getting to his feet as she curled into him, beginning to make his way through to the spare room that had been transformed into Caoimhe's room the more time she started spending here.

Everyone had a room at the estate, but it was cold and impersonal, nothing left to identify them in case of a raid or someone being killed and the police going through the place with a fine toothcomb. All they would have found would have been links to the clubs and the warehouse, all businesses that were above board. He grinned as he made his way into the room; the cream walls had been painted a soft teal colour; fairy-lights and photos adorned the walls, band posters were dotted about and her shelves were crammed with books and CDs. She had a little space on the wall beside her bed, he noticed as he shifted her weight to pull the blankets back, slipping her under the patchwork quilt his mother had made him when he was younger, one of the only things he'd taken from his home when he moved in with the Abernathy's.

Caoimhe muttered something in her sleep and rolled towards the stuffed unicorn that Saoirse had bought her, with her name stitched on, and snuggled down which allowed him to pull the blanket over her and leaned in to kiss her forehead. His grin widened when one photo caught his eye and he reached up to take it from the wall, sitting on the floor to look at it properly.

It was one of him and Caoimhe; it had some silly filter- he looked like a cat and they were laughing. He wasn't sure when it was from, but he had to admit, it was one of his favourite pictures. There weren't too many of the family, especially not in public and never more than two of them in the same photo at once. So looking at her little wall gave him a sense of belonging that he only ever felt on one date per year; or whenever he managed to lay eyes on the brunette with the dark eyes from years ago.

" _So basically, she OD'd and I had to get her help." her voice was soft and he found himself cupping her face to make her look at him._

" _That wasn't your fault." He told her earnestly, stroking her cheek and smiling softly when she pressed a tentative kiss to his lips. She might have only been a year younger than him, but she moved between seeming much older and much younger than him._

 _He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to him, the old couch they were on in some random house wasn't the most comfortable, but he didn't mind as long as she was here and wrapped up in his arms. At least he knew she was safe._

" _I want out," she sighed, tucking her face into his shoulder and he rested his head against hers. "I need out."_

" _Don't worry, I'm working on it. I promise I'll get you out of there. You'll see."_

"Hey," Darragh appeared in the doorframe, just as Jay was tacking the picture up on the wall again.

"What's up?" Jay's brow furrowed at the slight look of panic on Darragh's face.

"Woods called. Voight and Intelligence are moving in on one of the dealers."

"So? They know not to talk, to ask for a lawyer and to wait until Declan or Ayd gets there. It's not rocket science." Jay shrugged as he stood and motioned for Darragh to keep walking out of the room, trying not to taint this place with mentions of what the family business ran on.

"It is when its Carrick."

"Ah, fuck." Jay ran a hand down his face before nodding. "How much time do I have?" Jay asked as he reached into his pocket and grabbed for his phone, unlocking it and scrolling through the contacts.

"They know his street name, they're reaching out to their C.I.s." Darragh was standing with his hands on his hips as Jay pressed call.

"So an hour or two if we're lucky." Jay pressed the phone to his ear as he paced passed Darragh and over to the table where his three guns were sitting on their cloth, pristine as always. When the gruff voice answered on the other side of the line Jay smirked.

"who are you calling?" Darragh asked, getting the same answer as the guy on the otherside of the phone.

"We've sprang a leak at O'Brien's." Jay stated, almost too coolly, "I need you to grab your toolbelt and come check it out with me. It's a really big mess, so you need to meet me there now."

Darragh brought his hand up to cover his ears, "lalalala I'm not listening." He stated causing Jay to laugh as he hung up the phone and put it in his pocket, putting his jacket on and picking up the 9mm, switching it with the 45. Already tucked in his pants.

"What, you thought I'd go pick him up and take him to dinner?" Jay smirked and Darragh kept his hands over his ears.

"The less I know the less I can admit to." Darragh muttered and Jay laughed again, grabbing his keys and heading towards the door. He knew giving intelligence's history that he had roughly half an hour to stop the leak and clean up before they would be all over the warehouse. When he got to the car he took a burner phone out of his trunk and punching in Carrick's number.

"Hey, Puck. It's Toronto. I need you to meet me at O'Brien's, talk business." He stated as he put his own phone into his pocket and opened the small lockbox kept where the spare tire sat and took out a silencer, slipping it into his pocket. "Everything's good buddy, I just have a job for you. See you in 10." Jay sighed when he came off the phone, Carrick sounding a little too excited for this job. It meant the police weren't with him yet, he hadn't used the duress word and he was smart enough for that at least.

Jay climbed into his car, the familiar rush filling his veins at the idea of getting some time to do what it is he gets paid for under his belt. The rigid shape of the gun pressing against his lower back forced a smile and he couldn't say he wasn't looking forward to the prospect of finally bumping into a familiar face for the first time in 18 years.

* * *

A/N: Hopefully that left you with more answers than questions this time! Stay tuned for Erin's side in the next 12 hours :D


	3. Behind These Hazel Eyes

A/N: Sorry for the delay folks! Hopefully this chapter answers some of your questions. Do feel free to get in touch, your reviews push me to post more!

You Rock!

xo

* * *

"Okay, so, tell me what we've got." Voight stated, standing with his hands in his pockets in the doorway of his office as Kim put the last of the photos in her hand on the board.

"Vincent Abernathy," Dawson started, pointing at the photo of the dead body on the board and rolling his eyes at the little fanboy-esque squeak Ruzek let out. "suspected mob boss."

"I thought you said he was one?" Hailey asked, raising an eyebrow and Erin shook her head.

"Can't make anything stick, ever. So his lawyers filed a suit against the CPD about 10 years ago for slander and we had to pay out because, well, we actually couldn't prove it."

"As I was saying," Dawson spoke slightly louder. "He has four clubs and an Estate Agency on his books, but we think those are covers for his drugs and money laundering. We raided his club one night almost 17 years ago now and his wife, Grace, was caught up in the crossfire. She died at the scene." There was a palpable silence in the room and Antonio pressed on. "His known associates are sketchy at best, no-one really knows who anyone is but we do have a list of names for you to reach out to with your CIs, because we checked on them and they seem to be ghosts." Antonio nodded towards Ruzek.

"Well, we think Aiden O'Driscol has taken over from Vinnie. That name pops up on a lot of the documents we've found at the estate, but when we search him, no one knows he exists." Ruzek made a face before squinting and shaking his head. "Then we have Fagan, which we think is some kind of nickname for Darragh Callahan, he's the only one we have some kind of photo on because he runs the Sex club and the strip club. Yes, yes I did just say Sex club and if we need another undercover operation, I totally volunteer." He held his hand up and everyone chuckled.

"Anyone else?" Voight asked, looking between Ruzek and Atwater who shared a look and Adam peered at the paper again. "Declan Colconnell." He stated confidently. "He's the company lawyer, along with Aiden, they're coming in tomorrow to discuss the estate and the business, so there's that." He rubbed the back of his neck and Voight gave him a pointed look.

"Is there something else?" Voight was clearly impatient and soon Adam had all eyes on him.

"Uh, there's the dude we think is the enforcer," he offered slowly, "goes by Toronto, but we're obviously working on that alias." Ruzek swallowed hard.

"Ruzek, spit it out." Voight snapped and Ruzek took a deep breath.

"Well, you see, Sarge –" Adam started.

"-we can't." Atwater stated matter-of-factly, shrugging and taking the piece of paper from Ruzek, making his way to the board and jotting down the words Toronto/Enforcer, Declan, Aiden and lawyer as well as Darragh/club boss. He then held the paper against the board, copying down the other two names very carefully.

"This one," he pointed at _Saoirse_ written on the board, is the Estate agent, looks real pretty. Her name is listed as…" he trailed and shrugged, looking around the room for some help.

"sah-oi-rsey?" Ruzek tried.

"Say-or-sy?" Kim offered, shrugging.

"Seersha." Alvin helpfully told them, taking a bite out of an apple. "Its an irish name."

"well goddamn." Adam laughed, "That's one cool as hell way to cover your damn tracks. Give your people names no-one can freaking say out loud." He griped and moved back to his seat, earning a pat on the shoulder from Hailey on the way over.

"What about this one?" Kevin pointed hopefully at _Caoimhe_ on the board and Alvin smirked.

"Keevah."

"Why they fuck not just spell it like that?" Ruzek griped from his desk.

"Well, out of everyone, we literally have less than nothing on her. This one looks like she doesn't exist. It is a she right? We got that right at least?" He leaned his head on his hand and sighed.

"Yup. Saoirse and Caoimhe are both female." Alvin took another bite of his apple and leaned against Hailey's desk, looking as unphased as ever.

"Do we have last names?" Voight asked, looking at Kevin again, rocking on his heels.

"Uh, Saoirse Fitzpatrick and Caoimhe Grace." Kevin read from the sheet and Voight nodded.

"Run them down. Get Darragh in here for questioning, any more on ballistics?" he asked, looking around the room and everyone shook their heads. "This guy is shot, twice in the head and once in the chest, tied up and thrown into the river, yet we have absolutely nothing on him? What the hell have we been doing all day? Admiring Lindsey's flowers?" he snapped and stalked back into his office, slamming the door behind him.

"Ruzek, Upton, go get Darragh." Antonio stated, "Kim, Kevin, run that chase up Ballistics."

"Lindsey—"

"I'm gonna follow up on Caoimhe and Saoirse," Erin stated, and Antonio nodded.

"Cool, me and Al will take this Toronto, dude, and the lawyers. See what we can find." Antonio looked at Al who was already making his way towards the stairs and reached out to pat Erin on the shoulder as he followed his colleague down the stairs, leaving the bullpen in almost silence.

Erin watched as everyone get their stuff together and busied themselves with their tasks before she turned her attention to her computer. There was something tugging at her about the fact they had nothing at all on one of those names that was bugging her. Even the limited information they had on the others was pretty standard and easily built upon by sitting down with a CI. But having _nothing_ on a potential suspect? It didn't sit right with her. She reached into her desk drawer for a pen and paper, wanting to ensure that she had the correct spelling of the names before she started her search.

As she rummaged around, her fingers came into contact with the box again, the fabric worn from years of her touching it and putting it back, no longer a soft and smooth velvet like box. Erin pulled it out of the drawer alongside her pen and paper and quickly jotted the names down, the box resting on her lap.

This little box had absolutely been her saving grace so many times. Whenever she'd argue with Voight or Camille she'd go and lock herself away in the room and take the box out, touching the content recently. The necklace that was nestled inside always made her feel better and she wore it when she needed a little bit of courage. After Nadia, she'd worn the necklace until it had snapped during a raid, and she'd almost lost it. Kim had returned it to her, chain mended and hadn't spoken about it since, something she was incredibly grateful for it. It had been the one thing she came back for; the hopes that she'd see him again.

Erin slipped the box into her pocket of her shirt, and turned on her computer, momentarily distracted with the gorgeous flowers on her desk, before she pulled up the Internet search. Finding information on Saoirse was easy enough and Erin was genuinely finding it really, really difficult to believe that this woman was anything but the Real Estate Agent that she claimed to be. All of the properties checked out, they'd all closed to real people or real companies and Erin couldn't really find anything that wasn't squeaky clean on her. She was beautiful, too. Red hair and huge blue eyes. She looked early to mid-thirties. Erin noted all she could. She found an address for an apartment, a one-bedroom apartment, and she frowned as she wrote it down. She'd expect more from her, something fancier, but if the woman worked as much as it appeared she did? She probably didn't use it all that much. Noting the address down, she called on Burgess to go and have a look, maybe a knock and talk, see what they could dig up.

The other name, Caoimhe, was a lot harder to dig up anything on. In the quiet of the bullpen, with everyone now off on their own and Voight sulking in his office, she said the name out loud, quietly at first, testing it to see how it would actually sound and she found herself smiling, realising how beautiful the name was and how nice it would sound with an Irish accent. Exhausting her searches in property, DMV and any other public record she had access to without a warrant or subpoena, she let out a frustrated sigh and threw her pen onto the desk before running her hand through her hair.

Erin pushed up from her chair, stretching and glancing at the clock, realising that she had been at this for a few hours now, the room now totally empty. She shuffled towards the breakroom, coffee cup in hand to try and take a bit of a brain break. Usually, this day is filled with a good feeling, like someone is watching over her. But today hadn't been filled with anything other than confusion, dead ends, and a sinking feeling that this wasn't going to end the way she wanted it to. This whole case give her a really bad hit, and cases like this never usually got to have a happy ending. She couldn't work out what it was that she didn't like about the case, maybe it was just the date, or maybe it was something to do with Vincent Abernathy being behind every single time she shot up, or it could be the length of time Voight was spending in his office. Either way, there was something off about this case and she didn't want part of it.

She moved about the breakroom, brewing coffee; preparing it and finding a chocolate filled croissant in the snack box and making her way back to her death. Antonio had brought them in the first time, she remembered as she settled down at her desk. Eva had pointed out to him that she wasn't a kid anymore and didn't need them for her lunch bag, so he'd brought them into the breakroom and everyone had been all over them. Ever since then, they'd been making sure the shelves were stocked with the chocolatey goodness. Erin smirked; she was a snarky teenager when Voight had brought her into his home, Eva wasn't too much older.

Suddenly Erin was sitting bolt upright, her coffee sloshing onto the desk as she put the cup down, her case being dropped onto the desk as she began to type, about to search to see if anyone by that name was in the school system before realizing that she couldn't without a warrant and there was no judge that would sign a warrant just because she had a feeling. Erin took another deep breath and licked her lips, pulling up google and searching Caoimhe's name. There was nothing really to go on, nothing that identified her.

"In a city this fucking big, how many Caoimhe's are there?" She muttered to herself, before pausing and grabbing for her cell, dialling a number, and waiting for an answer.

"Do me a favour," she started once Antonio picked up, "ask Eva to call me, please."

"Why?"

"Because I have a hunch." Erin stated, "And I need her advice, and help."

"Erin—"

"off the record, her name won't even come up. I promise. I just need to know what I'm looking for. Please, Antonio."

There was a pause at the end of the line and Erin dropped her head into her palm. "Fine. Keep her out of it, though. I'll text her your number."

"Thank you, Antonio." Erin breathed a sigh of relief and hung up the phone before he could change his mind, placing her phone back on her desk and bringing up the search engine, reaching for her coffee and croissant again, trying to enjoy it as she waited on Eva to get in touch. She settled back in her chair, thinking of this day, all those years ago when Hank took her in. It had been a particularly cold night, she could still feel the cold against her skin without the warmth of _his_ presence. It was funny, thinking back, she never felt cold with him, never felt anything other than safe.

Erin choked on a piece of pastry and gulped down a mouthful of coffee, her empty hand, now free of pastry, automatically moving to the little box in her pocket.

" _We don't have much time," he told her, rubbing her arms, trying to keep her warm._

" _What are you talking about?" She'd asked, confusion colouring her features when he took the little box out of his pocket and put it into hers._

" _You gotta stay here, Erin." He looked pained, leaning in to rest his forehead on hers and she shuddered, this felt_ a lot _like goodbye and she gripped onto his jacket._

" _What are you saying?" she choked out, holding tighter when he began to pull away, their breath fogging the air between them._

" _I'm saying you need to stay here, Erin. I'm saying I'm sorry." His smile didn't reach his eyes like it usually did, he looked pale, his freckles standing out in the moonlight._

" _What the_ hell _is going on?"_

" _I'm asking for forgiveness and not permission this time." He pressed a desperate kiss on her lips, one that tastes of apologies and goodbye._

 _Erin opened her mouth to say something, but the crunch of snow under tyres and the glare of headlights distracted her._

" _Stay here, Erin. Always know I've got your back." He told her, patting her pocket where the little box was nestled as he kissed her forehead and wriggled out of her hold. Taking one step and then another before the door of the car opened, the crunch of boots walking towards them. Everything in Erin was telling her to run, to get away, but he'd told her to stay and now he was moving further and faster as she screamed his name._

" _Hey, kid." The deep voice broke through the night, "Shh, it's okay. You're safe now." And there was an arm around her shoulder, but not the arm she wanted, and she felt herself shutting down. He was gone, he'd came through for her. He'd gotten her out._

Erin was pulled back to the present, her phone vibrating on her desk and she looked down to find the necklace he'd given her in her hand. It was of a bird, she'd always thought it was a hummingbird, but she'd worked a case not too long after she came back, and one of the witnesses had been an avid bird watcher and told her that the silver pendant was in fact a Jay bird. She'd barely made it back to her car before she'd broken down in floods of tears, Voight being the only one who understood.

She picked up her cell and pressed answer, the unknown number lighting her screen. "Hello?...Oh, Eva, hey, listen…I need your help."

* * *

A ten-minute phone call and a _lot_ of possible combinations later she'd finally found what she'd been looking for and was currently on possible password 324 when she let out another frustrated scream, her hand absentmindedly moving to the necklace that she'd put on, knowing she'd need his strength to get her through this case. Her thumb and forefinger stroked over the little bird and she swallowed hard, the bad hit getting worse as a sinking feeling worked into her stomach. With shaking fingers she typed the word _Toronto_ into the password section and her hand flew to her mouth when the Instagram page loaded, full of images of a beautiful looking girl striking a variety of poses with a whole lot of different people.

Erin found herself smiling despite herself, looking at this young girl living a good and happy life, her smile and eyes looking somewhat familiar. She couldn't quite place it, but the smile made her feel at ease and she found herself continuing to scroll. Letting out another loud gasp when she landed on the picture. She clicked on it and she realized just why those eyes were so familiar, and why that smile made her feel at ease. In the photograph he wasn't a scare teenage boy anymore, he was a grown man, facial hair and freckles everywhere. The filter made her laugh, even as tears filled her eyes. There he was, pulling a stupid face, the same kind face he used to pull to make her laugh with the girl beside him pulling a similar one.

Her Jay. Her Blue Jay. _Toronto._

"Erin, is everything okay?" Voight's voice filtered through her thoughts and she raised her tear-filled eyes to him. She couldn't find the words so she just shook her head and looked back at the screen, her mouth forming a sad smile, knowing Voight was going to see it.

"Oh." He stated, before placing a hand on her shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Ruzek got something, a name and an address he wants us to meet him there."

Erin nodded again, writing down the username, which even gave her a kick _FrapQueenKeev_ and the password before logging out and shutting her computer down, dashing the tears from her face and getting to her feet, her hand hesitating over the gun before Voight patted her arm.

"He made his choice, Erin. He knew what he was getting into when he chose it." Voight explained, rubbing her back.

"I know," Erin answered, nodding and picking up her gun. _He made a choice,_ she thought, _and it was me._

* * *

Erin sat shotgun, fidgeting with her vest as Voight drove, the silence thick between them.

"Erin, if we get in here, you need to be able to do your job." Voight said eventually, and Erin shrugged. "Because he won't hesitate."

"How do you know he'll even be here?" She snapped, turning to glare at him.

"Do you honestly think he's trying to _hide?_ Come on, Erin." Voight laughed, " _Toronto?_ His name is Jay. It's like he's been waiting for someone to catch him."

Erin said nothing, keeping her eyes on the road ahead, tuning Voight out as she watched the traffic, mumbling her agreement to Voight when he kept pressing. A truck moving passed them, coming out of the street they were about to turn into had her blinking, just keeping her reaction under Voight's radar, biting down on her tongue and the urge to tell Voight to turn the car around, that he was there. Her self-preservation side kicking in louder than her Cop side.

She could have sworn the world had slowed, just like this morning when Kevin was bringing those flowers to her desk, and she stared out of the window, her eyes locking with his as their vehicles passed and she could have sworn he smirked at her and her stomach flipped. As Voight slowed the car to the stop, the other cars headlights a distant memory, she got out of the car and palmed her weapon.

She didn't know how he was involved, but when Adam appeared and told them the target was dead, Erin knew this case was going to break her in one way or another, and the little birdie on her necklace wasn't going to be enough to save her.

* * *

A/N: Buckle Up folks, we're just getting started!


	4. What a Tangled Web we Weave

AN: Apologies for not having this up sooner, something wasn't sitting right with me about this chapter, but I've moved some things around and I'm finally happy. Huge thank you to all of you who have reviewed, favourited or followed! It means the world to me. Also, shout out to HalsteadPD for making me write this and demanding it be posted!

Song wise! I listened to the following a lot in the writing of this chapter;  
Leave out all the Rest - Linkin Park  
The Halls of Fear - The Godfather Soundtrack  
Tequila - Dan & Shay

So, please do tell me what you think!

xo

* * *

Chapter 4: Oh, what a Tangled Web we Weave.

Jay felt himself smirk as Erin passed in the car; he'd know that face -those eyes burned into his memory- anywhere. Voight was in the car and Jay felt a twist in his gut – Intelligence had been getting closer and closer to the family for a few months now, totally under the radar, but Voight and Olinsky had been pushing harder and he was finding himself constantly on the look-out. The thing was, he'd smirked because he could sense she _knew_ it was him. She hadn't laid eyes on him in years, but still, he saw the way her eyes widened in recognition and it was fantastic to know she still knew who he was.

The gun was still nestled on his thigh as he watched the streetlights pass in a blur on the way back to his car. Carrick had begged, and it had really taken a lot of effort on Jay's part to pull the trigger. He hated when they begged and cried like that. They really should be taking that kind of punishment like the guys they proclaimed themselves to be. If it came to it; Jay knew he would go down in a hail of bullets protecting those closest to him. If he even as much as broke his loyalty to the family, he would absolutely go down like a man. He'd take it; because the code of silence was for his protection as well as everyone else's. If he didn't implicate them; they wouldn't implicate him.

He wasn't stupid though; Carrick was one in a network of people who were too weak. Jay had gotten good at spotting undercover police; they always stood out a mile – conveniently able to prove themselves, conveniently with the product or the thing you just happened to need. It wasn't hard to spot them because they didn't fit. They weren't slick enough, or too slick – tried too hard, wanted it too much. Jay reached into his inside pocket as they pulled up to his car, taking out an envelope and handing it to the other man, nodding once and getting out of the car, patting it almost affectionately, he liked the cars they bought. Shame most of them ended up on fire when the call was too close. He wasn't sure if he could trust Erin anymore, if she would have his back like she used to on the streets and she'd seen him. They could already have a BOLO out on the car. It wasn't rocket science, not really.

Tucking away his weapon at the small of his back in the belt of his dress pants, he climbed into his car and began the task of getting home. It was simple, he always paid attention for tails – cops always had stupid as shit obvious cars, the Feds were worse, and he never went the same way twice in one week. It was a drive that should take 15 minutes but was going to take him 30 and he knew it. He liked order, disliked disorder and everything that came with it and here they were, in one web of tangled lines.

He checked his watch, it was close to midnight which would give him time to grab a shower and a nap before finding out what the hell Aideen wanted to do about whatever was going on. Something else was eating at him and he couldn't quite place it; but something felt off as he made his way through the streets, the lights passing by as the rest of the world continued to go about their lives as though nothing had happened. He tapped the steering wheel to the beat of his heart – a staccato rhythm that had him antsy and on edge.

Jay would put it down to his role in the family, to having to deal with _that_ side of the business. He was a repo-man and someone who voided contacts, permanently. His military service had taught him all about discipline and strategy and when he'd come home, Vinnie, Declan and Darragh had taken him back into the family and given him whatever he needed to help him through – whenever he needed it. It was Caoimhe, though, with her huge eyes and radiating innocence who put him back together, piece by piece, and gave him nothing but unconditional love.

When he'd returned, he didn't want to hug her, to tuck her in at night, to read her bedtime stories. He hadn't wanted to brush her hair when she asked, or to have tea parties with her. Every Friday night she'd have a 'date night' with one of the family. Before the Rangers, when Jay was home, he'd put on his nicest suit and he'd take her out for Pizza and ice cream and then they'd come home and watch a movie and he'd tuck her into her princess bed; whichever Princess was in back then. When he'd come home from the Rangers, though, he hadn't done any of that until 10-year-old Caoimhe had shown up at his apartment, with Aideen's help, dressed in her party dress with Thai Takeout and a stubbornness that she wasn't leaving until they spent Friday together because she wasn't having him blow her off anymore.

He hadn't touched Oxy since that night. When she'd shown up, he had the pills in his hand ready to crash, but she'd given him such a look of disappointment and disdain that he'd struggled to swallow. Then her eyes had filled with tears and she'd stomped her foot and told him she missed him, and she loved him and couldn't understand why he hated her so much. Jay had dropped to his knees then and pulled her into his arms, handing the pills to Aideen who stood there, tears shining in her eyes and he'd told her the rest were in his night stand. Caoimhe had gripped him tighter before pulling back and smiling at him, wiping at his tears and calling him silly, before she sniffed and held up the take-out bag, telling him she wasn't going to eat a cold dinner as well as ruin her make up.

It had been around 7 and a half years and Jay rarely drank more than a couple beers or a couple of whiskeys a couple of times a week. He'd never missed a Friday night, either. Even when she got older and stopped spending the same amount of time with Darragh, Declan and Fagan, she still made time for Jay and it always made his heart happy seeing her to happy.

He put the car into park in the underground parking and opted to take the stairs, keys jingling in his hand as he jogged up the steps, making it in less than a minute, just over a minute to get his key in the door and into the apartment.

Saoirse was standing by the window when he came in, with a huge smile on his face and he still wasn't sure if he was keyed up from the job or from seeing _her_ again, and she frowned at him, her eyes moving over his body.

"You got blood on your shirt." She told him, voice devoid of all emotion as he took off his shoes and put them on the rack beside the door after inspecting them for blood, his jacket was tossed in the hamper as he made his way over to her.

"Hazard of the job, sweetheart." He shrugged, smirk firmly in place. It felt different when she looked at him; the way she regarded him somehow making him feel like a common criminal, as though he was worse than she was. She tilted her head to the side and frowned.

" _sweetheart?"_ It sounded more like an accusation than anything as it tumbled from her lips. "It's been a long time since I heard that coming from you." Her hands rested on his chest and Jay shrugged, his hands resting on her hips.

"What would you rather I called you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at the woman before him and she snorted out a laugh and shook her head. For all intents and purposes, they came across as a couple to the world; shared a house, a bed and were PDA enough for people to notice and pass comment. It never bothered him though, not really, he'd never really cared what people thought. Behind closed doors, however, deep down? They were one of those couples who were perfect on paper but didn't work in reality. Saoirse wanted way more than he could give and she had grown to resent him, yet here they were, time and again.

"you've been calling me princess of late," she offered, her hands smoothing over the material of his shirt, her eyes meeting his and he felt _nothing._ It was then he knew, seeing Erin tonight was the reason he felt a fire in his veins for the first time in a long time.

"Yeah, well, I like to switch it up, you know how it is." He shrugged and moved to step away from her, something feeling odd about having her this close to him when he was thinking of another set of eyes and wondering just how much she knew.

"You know, Jay," She started, and he could almost feel the bitterness begin to radiate from her, her red talons gripping his shirt and he tensed, the fabric being stretched almost to its limit. "I put up with a lot." Saoirse told him, shaking her eyes, "But there are many, many things I can't deal with."

"I'm not doing this," He shook his head and stepped back from her, his hands coming up to grip her wrists and pry them from his shirt. "You're upset, Caoimhe's sleeping and your dad has _just_ died. That's a Molotov cocktail that I'm not getting mixed up in." Jay took a step back again and let her go, feeling himself tense again.

"You think I don't know about the flowers you send her?" Saoirse's words dripped with venom and Jay sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was exhausted and hadn't realised how much so until this moment. When it came down to it, this is where she went every so often and he'd learned just to absorb the heat and let it go.

"Everyone fucking knows about the flowers, princess, it's not a new thing." He mentally smacked himself as the words slipped from his tongue and he watched the temper rise in her causing him to sigh audibly. "Can we not do this now?" His tone was even, and he turned, taking two measured steps before she was in front of him again.

"You fucking started this, asshole." She snarled, and Jay found himself slipping into solider mode; his defences coming up and making himself numb to anything and everything she was going to do or say.

"Okay, Saoirse, I'm sorry." He stated, side stepping around her and making his way to their bedroom. He needed a shower, needed the hot water to wash everything away, to make him feel like himself again and not a pawn in someone else's game.

"I'm not fucking finished."

"Well, I am."

"Not until I say so. You don't get to come in her and sweetheart me and think you can hide the fact that you're hoping I'm someone else." She was in front of him again, shoving at his chest and Jay paused, taking a breath and letting it out slowly as she glared at him.

He couldn't exactly correct her; because she was right, she wasn't who he wanted, and it wasn't until relatively recently that they'd even started sharing a bed again. They both knew this was casual, was something they needed with someone they trusted. Vinnie wasn't pleased about it, and Jay had been at his beck and call for the past two years, only recently becoming more able to spend time at the apartment for more than a night or two a week.

"You're being ridiculous." He stated, because she was. They didn't need to have this pointless argument because she was right and she was only hurting herself when she threw those kind of words around.

"You didn't think that when I was keeping your bed warm, Jay." She sing-songed and leaned into him, her arms wrapping around his neck. "Especially didn't think so when we were younger." She bit her lip and Jay sighed.

"I was young, I was a mess. You knew then what you know now. Nothing has changed." He tried to unwrap her from him, finally succeeding and making his way into the room, Saoirse trailing behind him. He ignored the way she began to mess with the lights, putting them on a dull setting as he worked on unfastening the shirt before removing it, frowning at the blood stain at the bottom. It meant the pants would have to go, too.

"We're still young. You're still a mess." She snorted, "Leaving flowers for a fucking cop when you basically kill people for a living, that's a different kind of special, Jay." She giggled, and he turned to look at her before glaring, stepping into her personal space.

"I'm asking you this once," He told her, looking into her eyes, clenching his jaw, letting a small growl slip passed when he realised that her pupils were huge. "What the fuck have you taken?"

Saoirse giggled again and shrugged, "Dunno, Fagan gave me them to take the edge off." She blinked up at him, her hands coming up to his chest, running over his skin as she bit her lip. "Shoulda just told you to take your shirt off."

Jay took her wrists in his hand. "Caoimhe is here, in her room, and you're popping pills. What kind of irresponsible pa—"

"I was here for my kid," Saoirse glared at him, snatching her hands from his grasp. "Where were you? Just another dead beat dad."

Jay felt his stomach drop and he fought to ignore her words, placing his hands on his hips and returning her glare. "I'm here for my kid every day, Seer. Every day. I was the one who had to break the news. I was the one who held her. I've been the one picking up after her her whole life." He could hear himself defending his actions and he let out a humourless laugh. "Yet she thinks her dad is in the city morgue and her mom is in the ground."

"You think that won't happen, the way we're going?" Saoirse spat, and Jay ran his tongue along the edge of his teeth to keep him from saying anything. "You're a gun for hire, I launder money and she has no fucking clue who she actually is."

"We need to tell her." Jay stated, and Saoirse shook her head in the negative.

"It's better she doesn't know."

"She's gonna find out." Jay told her, looking at the woman in disbelief. "I get we used a fake birth certificate to get her into school, but at some point, she's gonna find out and then what? Surprise! Fuck that, no." he shook his head, "Besides, this is a murder investigation, she can't be questioned without parental approval and that's gonna look awkward."

"Aideen made the guardianship papers for her, I've signed them, you just need to ink them and we're good to go." Saoirse made to move toward him, but he stepped back, and she stopped.

"I want her out of this." Jay stated as he felt the fight begin to drain from him. "I'll pull whatever strings I need to, but I need her out of this life, out of this city and somewhere new to start again." His voice was quiet.

"You know we can't do that right, not without one of us taking a fall. Aideen won't let an heir leave town without the promise of coming back and if you want her gone, well." Saoirse shrugged, and moved to lean against the doorframe, a smile on her face and that was something else Jay wasn't interested in, either.

"Wouldn't be the first time I've taken a fall." He mumbled as he turned away from her, walking into the bathroom.

"What was that?" She snapped and Jay cursed under his breath.

"Get some water and get some sleep, you're gonna need it. Tomorrow is gonna be busy." Jay stated, dropping the conversation as he reached in to turn the water of the shower on, cranking the heat up as he slipped out of his pants and socks, chucking them in the direction of his shirt.

He leaned on the counter top, the spacious bathroom having his and hers sinks as well as lightened mirrors. He hated how pale he looked in the room; facial hair and freckles standing out against the contrast of his skin, worse in the summer when _all_ his freckles were on show. Caoimhe had freckles, too, in the summer, and she loved them. He shook his head and ran a hand down his face, he couldn't stand there and see himself looking back, see the depths of his eyes.

When he lifted his hand from the sink there was blood on it and he checked to see if he was cut as he cleaned his hand off before grabbing a cloth and wiping the sink down, chucking the cloth with his clothes to be burned tomorrow. Jay figured that there must have been more blood on his pants than he realised as he climbed into the shower and let the water run over him, the warm water making rivers down his body before he began to wash himself.

" _I gotta admit, I was surprised to hear from you." Voight stated as he looked at Jay, a raised eyebrow as Jay wrapped his chilled hands around the coffee up as they sat at the formica dining table in the poorly lit diner._

" _She wants out but she won't call." Jay shrugged, "I found your card. I know you'll help." He wasn't usually one to spill to a stranger, but Erin had talked about this dude a bit and she trusted him, and if Erin trusted a cop, then he must be solid._

" _Okay, I'm all for that." Voight nodded._

" _I mean, you can't just turn her out into a snitch." Jay told him, sitting back, "You gotta get her off the streets, out of this life and help her really make it in this world."_

" _You care about her, don't you?"_

" _Yes, sir." He didn't even hesitate. It was like answering to his name._

" _Why did you come to me, you could have made the call and taken her spot." Voight took a drink of coffee and Jay shook his head on a laugh._

" _No, sir." He stated, "I'm gonna have to take the fall for her to get out and I'm willing to do it in a heartbeat."_

" _That's noble."_

" _Its stupid, but I'm in a little deeper than she is and I can't get her free myself. I sure as shit ain't pulling her down with me."_

" _What have you got in mind?"_

Jay sighed and let the water run over him for a couple more minutes before he shut the shower off and climbed out, wrapping the towel around his waist, making his way into the bedroom where Saoirse was sitting on the bed looking like she'd seen a ghost.

"Seer?" Jay stated as he approached her slowly, stopping in front of her, waiting for her eyes to meet his. "What is it?"

She shook her head and then took his hand, her bottom lip trembling.

"Saoirse." He demanded softly, gripping her chin in his thumb and pointer finger, holding her there under the scrutiny of his gaze. "Is it Caoimhe, is she okay?"

Saoirse nodded and Jay let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, before his eyes widened at her next statement.

"Fagan's Dead."

* * *

A/N: EEEEEEK! Next time on, Mobster!Jay...


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